My Apologies

Have you ever had to say you were sorry but didn’t mean it?
When I was in elementary school I remember this girl intentionally doing things to get on my nerves. She never got caught and it was the most annoying thing ever. One day she stood in my way so I pushed her. She cried and got sent to the nurse’s office then they sent me to apologize. I went to the office and the nurse asked if I had anything to say? I said "NO". I felt totally justified in my actions and I didn't care that she didn't understand the circumstances. The consequence was not being able to go out on recess. That was really no big deal because I got to hang out with the cool T.A. Let me just say that I know it is never right to put your hands on anyone else, this can teach you to brain storm a better strategy at an early age. I also want to say that if it were my child being harassed and or bullied, I wouldn’t hold it against them. Sorry I’m just sayin...

Fast forward to today. We have this new supervisor at work that thinks that the rules don’t apply to her. She has no problem implementing them on others but has no sense of time or responsibility herself. I will say she is really good at hiding it. Kudos to her. I have totally lost all respect for her and the tensions have risen. The thing is, she could get away with whatever she wanted if she didn’t try to be a hard ass. I will say I’m not a model employee, however I do get the job done. Once you’ve been somewhere for a while you gotta find ways to get through the day and if it doesn’t hurt anyone then who the hell cares?

As an adult I know there will be worse consequences for my behavior than just being kept in at recess. There was this one time she was buttering me up to get me to do something for her and my response was "you don’t have to kiss my ass to get me to do something. Just ask". Sometimes I say things in a funny not so serious way to take the edge off. Well that terminology was not acceptable to her so  she asked to speak to me in private. Basically it was to tell me how inappropriate it was but also was fishing for an apology. I let her do all the talking, I know better than to open my mouth in frustration as I may dig myself in a deeper hole. When she was finally done listening to herself talk to me, she asked if there was anything I would like to say? Honestly, because I felt I was half joking, an apology didn’t even cross my mind. Then I got this look that jogged my brain to start searching for something. I finally came up with "oh I'm sorry". You see, I’ve come a long way. Did I mean it? Nope. However I know that it’s better to keep the peace and drop it.

It’s funny that "I’m sorry" can make such a difference. I also think that is why we have so many hypocrites and people who get away with things. They have learned the art form of the apology. They have mastered that sweet personality that makes you think they can do no wrong. It is so unfortunate that I have such a hard time being such a fake person. Damn!

Anyway, my co-workers think that she is in the process of digging her own hole. That there is nothing we have to do because she is doing it for us. BUT WHEN, WHEN will the madness end???? Not just her but all the people like her....

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XOXO
Magenta!

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